I don't know how the past 3-4 months have been for you, but for me and many other people they've definitely been strange. I'm lucky to have had company and plenty of music projects to work on, but I know of many people, some very close to me whose mental health has been affected by the isolation and uncertainty.
Especially for someone who is a control freak like me, dealing with circumstances outside of control can feel like drowning under an unstoppable tsunami. I actually had this dream. When I woke up, I sat down and wrote the lyrics.
Feeling overwhelmed. Feeling powerless. Feeling tired.
It's easy to feel powerless not only in extraordinary circumstances, but every day, as part of this big world. What can we, common people, do about anything? What can we do about wars? about social inequality? about decisions taken by people in power who don't care about our wellbeing or about this planet? can we really make a change? do we MATTER?
I've been thinking a lot since The Black Lives Matter movement. It's gave me hope that the world can get better, that people can come together and rally for a (oh so overdue!) common goal.
Lately I've been reading and trying to educate myself about racial inequality. But I've been feeling guilty for not posting much about it when everybody was.
I simply didn't feel qualified to say anything. I didn't feel like my voice was important. I didn't think anyone would listen.
But I was wrong. We all have a voice, and we all should use it.
Do I feel like I can make a change? Most of the time, if I'm honest, no, I don't. But if we all felt like this, nothing would ever change!
As an immigrant in England, I'm used to feeling like an outsider. It's mostly on me: I get embarrassed by my accent, or by people constantly saying or spelling my name wrong. By not knowing what people are talking about when they quote British TV. Tiny things that add up (luckily I've never had anyone be horrible to me just because I'm Romanian). But I do feel like it would be easier if I were born here.
Yet, it was my choice to come here. For the longest part of my life I've lived in a place where none of these issues were present.
But what would it be like to have been born here, and to still experience bias? To feel like an outsider in my one and only home? I can't begin to imagine that!
We all have our own struggles, but as white people, there are struggles we have not experienced. Things we don't know about, things we don't think about.
But we can educate ourselves. We can bring about change, little by little, starting with ourselves.
I do hope that you're all coping, wherever you are in the world and whatever your struggles might be. The flood will come and go and we'll survive, like Noah.
I had the strangest dream
the whole world was underwater
and I couldn’t see anything
no I couldn’t see anything
all the way to the horizon
the highest wave was covering the sky
this massive tide was coming
and there was nothing I could do
Oh lord, give me the strength to hold on
give me the strength to let it all out
before it goes all over my head
I know we’re all growing restless
I know there’s still too much wrong within this world
And I haven’t done anything
And I haven’t changed anything
But sometimes I feel too fragile
Sometimes I'm scared or I'm just unaware
That there are worries I don’t know about
Things I’ve been given I don’t think about
Lord, give us the strength to hold on
give us the strength to let it out all
before it goes all over our head
if only I could hope
hope, hope, hope
my ark is made of self doubt
my ark is made of selfishness and fear
it doesn’t let anyone in
so is it even worth saving?
Oh Lord, give me the strength to hold on
give me the strength to let it all out
before it goes over my head
Lord, give me the strength to hold on
Give me hope, hope
that there is something I can do